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This will probably come as a surprise to most of you but I’ve decided to head home. I’ve had it on my mind for about three weeks now but I couldn’t come to admit it to myself. I kept a positive attitude and did my best not to let it get me down. Over the past week I was the most miserable I’ve ever been in my entire life and I couldn’t ignore it no matter how hard I tried. It was only getting worse. I was hoping that after three weeks off the bike I’d be refreshed and ready to go but I felt even worse. To add to it all the winter weather is terrible.

Trying to continue on without enjoying it for months didn’t make any sense to me. I set out to learn more about myself and after 4 months I’ve certainly done that. This trip has changed me so much and I can’t wait to apply what I’ve learned back home. I’m so happy that I made this decision and have no problem saving Asia for 4 or 5 years down the road.

You can expect many more big adventures from me in the future and I can’t wait to share them with all of you! Some thoughts so far include a mountaineering expedition, multi-month backpacking trip, or something involving water travel. I’ve decided to put aside most of the money from GoFundMe for the next grand adventure. Thank you all so much for the support and I’m unbelievably excited to be back in Washington!

 

Here are some journal entries and I haven’t journaled the past couple nights.

 

 

Day 112 (Saturday, 2nd of January, 2016)

Today was difficult to get through. It was emotionally the hardest day of the entire trip up till this point. It’s a lot to process when you say goodbye to your brother then girlfriend while facing a Winter of biking ahead. Sometimes I stress about feeling down but it would almost be strange if I felt completely fine. I can’t help but think about the many more bad days I’ll have in the future. That’s not the way I should be thinking and I know it. I’m teaching myself to focus on taking one day at a time and acknologing that inevitably I’ll have days where all I can focus on is being home. The best I can do is just keep my head up.

I didn’t do much today. Having been up for 26 hours yesterday I slept in till a comfotable 1 pm. While I was away in Greece the chainring that I ordered did arrive here in Istanbul alought I was skeptical if it was the right part. I was eager to check and see if it was going to fit. It didn’t. I should’ve researched it more but it’ll be alright. Lesson learned. Shit happens. I’ll most likey have the correct part shipped to Tblisi, Georgia after I find out what it is. I then finished my blog post which seemed to really bring up my mood. I’ve found that blogging has really been healthy. Although I can’t be with you all at home it helps to let you know how I’m doing.

Day 113 (Sunday, 3rd of January, 2015)

My last night of my three week break. I’m eager to start progressing into the trip again and head for Ankara. I’m doing the best I can to keep a positive attitude but it’s been difficult. I wish more than anything that I don’t have an emotion breakdown while biking to tomorrow. What really makes things challeging is that I’m homesick and on top of that I have freezing weather to bike through and snow that’ll most likely cause problems.

I felt badly homesick again today and it gives me a deep pain in my stomach. I can’t seem to get the thought of home out of my head. If I were to be put back in Olympia right now I’d be the happiest person in the world. That’s the kind of thinking I keep having which is really unhealthy. I know it’s normal to be homesick at 19 in a country completely different than my own after 4 months away but that doesn’t ease my pain at all. It’s hard to appretiate that I’m following my dreams when the constant thoughts of home are easily making their way into my head. I have to stay positive even when the times get tough.

Today I got ready for leaving tomorrow and chatted for a while with Kirby. We were talking about meditation and happiness as well as how to live fully in the present. Instead of worrying about the furture I need to be soley observing the present and grateful for what I have.

Day 114 (Monday, 4 of January, 2015)

This morning loaded my bike up and said goodbye to Kirby. It was very kind of him letting me stay for a total of 8 days. I went back to the Uzbeckistan consulate and after 3 hours I finally had my passport with the visa. With the snow my feet were already starting to get wet and I hadn’t even started yet. I went to a supermarket and got some plastic bags to put around my socks to prevent further soaking. The booties definitely help keep my feet warmer but water can still get it. I’m thankful to have them. I rode down to the ferry that would take me over to Asia and out of Europe. The first continent treated me well and now to see if I can tackle this one. The riding today was terrible as I rode out of the massive city. I called it a day after about 75 km and I’m still in a densly populated area. I guess the fifth largest city has to span out quite a ways.

I’ve never felt worse. Homesickness and lonliness are in full swing. I don’t know how much I can take of this but before the trip I told myself and others that if I’m miserable for an extended period of time ith no sign of getting better I’ll call the trip off. I’ve never been depressed in my life but it’s starting to take root. I need to get better. It was hard to find a place to camp in such a densly populated area but I settled on a gravel field littered with trash with sound of the freeway not far off. It’s pretty demoralizing when you’re camping in a shithole. I’ve noticed that I’ve lost a lot of my appatite. Anyone who even kind of knows me would think that impossible. For breakfast I had a bowl of cereal and didn’t have anything to eat until now at dinner where I had to force down some noodles with cheese and summer sausage. Tomorrow I’ll remeber to eat more. It’s so hard when I know going home would solve all these problems. Even typing the word “home” feels like a punch to the gut. On a positve note, the snow wasn’t a problem as I was on busy roads. It’s still terribly cold however.